handjob tips. give me some.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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