He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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