he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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