If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
