I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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