theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
