she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
