Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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