Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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