Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
