so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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