Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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