i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i think my cat just said my name.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
