youre lurking in front of me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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