i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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