She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
