So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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