he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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