I wish I could punch you in the face.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need to calm my uterus...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
