Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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