this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
