I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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