cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
