Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
