Ambien. No doubt about it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
