Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
