had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
