highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
