we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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