Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
