I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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