yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
