You work out of a Hotel?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
