she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
they're like a gay fantastic four
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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