plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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