Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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