Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
