alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
