Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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