Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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