What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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