i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
