apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
