my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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