question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
