Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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