Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
