So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
