by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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