3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
