You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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