The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
