There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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