why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
