Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
