watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
