i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
high people should be assigned attendants
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
